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...The ward for incurable patients had two current patients, both had cancer and both were to die soon: a woman aged near forty-five and a girl of four or five years...

 

 

The 27th February, 2007

    The ward for incurable patients had two current patients, both had cancer and both were to die soon: a woman aged near forty-five and a girl of four or five years. The girl had cerebrum cancer far gone, she was an orphan and had recently been brought to the hospital from the children's home. As the teachers realized they could no more stand her moaning and crying, when the disease attacks grew increasingly, it was decided to bring her to that reasonably priced hospital founded for those who were incurably ill, already dying or just poor and with no one to care of them. It was not much time she had to live - somewhere near a week left, when a new patient, a woman about fourty-five years old was put into her ward. She had lung cancer that developed into quickly disseminating bones cancer. The woman also was alone. Well...
    When she was young, she had a groom, but once she got pregnant, he turned to be quite negative about having children and said it was the time for career, but not for children, and insisted on abortion. Under the surgery the genitals were injured, so that she stood barren. The groom dissappeared with the time, as well as the seam obtained with the surgery, both did the same painfully, grievously and with a trace for all life. The woman's mother died, ans as she never knew her father and never wanted him, she lived her further lonely life, accompanied with her wounded Soul only and little by little started hating every single married or pregnant woman, then - every born child, then - everybody on Earth. She smoked heavily. Well, she came into the ward incurably ill. It was very soon her void life to stop, but she could not get why it was necessary to put her into the ward with that everlastingly moaning, crying, calling for mother child. She just could not get it. The girl annoyed her greatly since the woman felt for a long time nothing close to cordiality towards someone's pain or grief, she knew just her own pains and and life bitterness.
On their second day together the girls' groaning became utterly intolerable as well as her calling for mother, so much loved and cared after. It finally tore the woman's heart into bloody shreds.
    Oh, how can I ever stand it? - she muttered through her clenched teeth, - when will she die? I am fed up with my own pains and attacks, and she whines for the whole day and night, calling for a mother.. No one is going to move me out from here since I am half-dead already. She is always out of conscience and has pissed me off! No more, it is enough. Hey, You, Goddie, will you ever stop taunting me? May I not die quietly...well then... you'll see! It will not go in your way, - she was gnashing fiercely, but then lost conscioussness with the new pain attack.
    In three days at night, when the woman came into her senses, she decided to switch off the system that kept the girl alive still and in such a way to relieve them both. She came to the girl's bank. The girl groaned quietly. The groan seemed to have become her way of breathing. To switch off the system the woman had to bend forward to the girl and right near the carotid to pull out the valve. So she bended and took the valve already while at that very moment the girl fell silent, for the first time within the days they spent together, and suddenly opened her eyes gaily and said: "Mommy, you came back at last!!" She hugged the trembling woman and immediatelly fell asleep peacefully and quietly.
    The woman was stiffened with astonishment still holding the valve in her hands. It was very uncomfortable to stand in such a way over the girl asleep, with her arms around the woman's neck, but she did stand like that. She stood so for a long time... Her legs and hands became numb. She cried, but very quietly in order not to awaken the girl, who would not let her go. She seemed to feel absolutely comfortable in such position. In some time the woman found the way to lie near the girl carefully, both being around the tubes and catheters, and fell asleep.
    She woke up of quite unusual feeling of rapt attention towards her. Indeed - it was the girl sitting on the bench, surrounded with the numerous tubes, so nicely unkepmt, and was gazing at the woman narrowly. When she woke up, the girl said earnestly: "Mom, where have you been? I got extremely tired of waiting for you!"
    "Mom" nad nothing else but to answer then. And she did.
    - Daughter, your mommy had to work hard. I have just come back from a long-long business trip. Will you please stop blowing me up and will at last hug me?
    Right here all her earnesty faded away, the girl smiled happily, mouth teethless, and threw herself at her mother!
    - I knew you would come to me! I knew! It was me only to wait for you! Everybody said I had no mother, they said I had no mother, can you imagine that? I never believed them. They also say I am to die soon. It is all lie they keep saying! Why on Earth shall they intimidate people?! - the girl whispered in the woman's bosom and merely could not stop her say.
    While the girl was whispering these words and snuggling the woman's brest, the latter thought sadly that the fatal disease was hiding near and was waiting for the proper time to rise, having given just a bit of hapiness to have a mother, even if she was not real and was the same hopelessly ill and exhausted.
    - Oh God, why are you tricking me again at parting? Why are you that sarcastic? - she thought and in the same time kept dandling the girl, stroking her dishevelled hair (without support the girl eluded chemical treatment: the disease was given its strict way and the girl was never irradiated, so her fluffy hair stood on end).
    The girl became silent for a moment - it was another severe and extremely painful head ache attack coming. The girl gave no sign of feeling bad, but the woman knew it very well. She said:
    - My princess, come on, lie down near me, I will hug you and that is what we will keep on doing now, all right? Let's have rest now!
    - All right, mommy, but I would keep my eyes open, cause I still cannot see enough of you, what beauty you are!
    The girl lied sideways to have a chance to see her mommy and gazed at her constantly smiling in order not to show how painful the head ache was. You could get it by her clenched jaw: her uneven calf's teeth were tightly closed and allowed no groan out. That was how the girl felt asleep, her teeth clenched, with a smile on her face. It was a hard disease attack at night. The doctors came, shrugged their shoulders, grieved a bit and on saying it was almost over and a great pity, left.
    The girl tossed madly. The woman for all the time was sitting near, holding her hands. She forgot her own pain, she just could not feel it. All her life, all her self was devoted to the girl and now belonged to her only. The woman would memorize every line of her dearest daughter's body: "Oh, Lord, how beautiful, how funny and tough she is. Very feeble, but does it ever matter... The woman tried to pray, but her mind could not remember a word of pray. She never prayed cause her previous life had no sense so what should she pray for? But now ... oh, it was all not in time. Here the woman tried again to talk with the God, in the way she only knew. By the words she knew, she used earlier, she prayed but in a different manner already. She would not reproach, threaten or curse Him, she would say out the wisdom achieved with the grief, her full and pure resignation to the fate, at last her greatest love roots.
    - Oh, God, so many times I hurt You with rude word or thought. Please forgive me. I hated You for all my life, please forgive me. I was not able and had no will to love. It is nothing I beg for myself now, it is no pity for myself now. I want just to tell You: whatever decision You make, let it be as you wish. If only it is possible please release my dear daughter from pain, let me take it because nothing is more painful for a mother than seeing her child tormented. I thank You God for listening to me.
    Next morning the girl calmed down. No tossing, no moaning, not a move she made. The woman realized the girl died. However it did not arouse resentment in the woman's heart since she became a mother and all her wishes were to release the girl from suffering. She looked calmly at her daughter's face, such clear and quiet, and smiled.
    Suddenly the girl opened her eyes:
    - Mom, can you please find the drawing book for me, I have to do one thing right now! - she said absolutely seriously, her eyebrows frowned, her eyes full of thought.
    My daughter is alive, she has survived! The joy she felt was ineffable, as if next moment she would break into small pieces of happiness, in spite she had not slept for several days already! Needless to say she merely forgot she had cancer. Was it her illness she could think about when her dearest cihld was asking for a drawing book and pencils?
    - Honey, how are you feeling now? - she said tenderly.
    - As never before, mommy! Now, when you are back from your trip, I keep feeling well for all the time! But yesterday I had a dream: there were two dragons that flew to me and wanted to burn off my bed! I said to one of them that I have got a mother and shook my fist at him, my both fists! - she clenched her fists and showd them threateningly with the words: that is what I did! The dragon that belched fire at me, got frightened ans said he would not come here anymore! He also said it was love, happiness and strength that have come here, and nothing for food, nothing good for them anymore! He grasped the second dragon and said on leaving: "Hey girl, if you want to leave the hospital soon, draw me and my friend and other things You would certainly see". Then he left and I felt so wonderful, mommy! So will you give me the drawing book?
    - Sure honey! - the woman said and asked the nurse to buy everything needed. When the girl held the book in her hands already, the woman asked:
    - Dear, would you allow me leave you for a while now?
    - Sure mom, but please, come back soon!
    The woman took a taxi and went to her flat. She hired workers to make repair works in it. She also bought many flowers and asked her neighbour to water them often, till they are back home. She had no doubts already they both would leave the hospital for half-dead.
    When she came back, the girl showd her first drawings.
    - That is the dragon that kept firing me till you came back from the trip. It is very dirty and black and I used all the pencil while drawing him! The second dragon is grey and flabby, and he was flying over your bed, mommy! While I was drawing them both my dragon told me take an eraser and rub his illustration off, and it would help us leave the hospital soon! That is what I have to do and I will do my best!
    The girl rubbed the picture off strenuously and was not going at all to die anymore. In such a way a week passed, then the second, then the doctors made tomography for both patients, ones that were still alive whilst were to have died long ago, regardless of all expectaions. Their tomograms showd that brains tumour and bones metastases, and also pulmonary growths were dissapearing rapidly. It could not be explained by theory. What wonder! How could it be? The girl kept rubbing the pictures of two dreadful dragons...very diligently and very heartily. Soon the dragons dissappeared - both rubbed. Second tomography showd absolutely impossible and unpredictable results - the tumours vanished and both patients were in remission. Both were examined for future scientific revolutionary deductions, and discharged from the hospital, since the ward was highly required for other half-dead patients. The mother and her daughter came back home and never parted since.
    Finally we'd say: our dearest childern, all your illneses and diseases are defenseless against your love. You need to believe in your strength, you need to believe you can love, that the sense of your life is not to recover but to learn to give your love and tenderness to others - to your family, to the Earth-mother that shudders in the throes caused by your deeds. The Earth that gives its love seeking for no compensation, whole-heartedly. Here we would finish the course. Feel happy.

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